Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.

1 am, 21 Sept 09

Eyes are bugging out, very tired. So much to do and so little time.

I've posted info on Myspace and Facebook already, but I should post here as well. The hammer has fallen on the whole medical situation with the Peace Corps. I got off lucky with the surgery in Panama. I was given the option to go home to the Chicago area or return to post on SVG. The return to post option was based on my monthly check-ups with the local ENT. I was informed that when it came time for a second operation, I would be separated from service. Gut feeling is leading me to believe this time will be about 6-8 months or so from now. I met with our Peace Corps Medical Officer (PCMO) on last week Friday and she agreed with me on that estimated guess. It is a pity that I probably was not going to make it to the full close of service with everyone else.

Seems as if I a bit premature to think I'd make it even that far. Turns out that the ENT doctor here, while rather good at what he does and very knowledgeable, does not have the equipment required to see deep enough inside the throat to check the problematic areas in completion. That judgment call was determined by PC Office of Medical Services (OMS) in Washington D.C. My PCMO called me just this past Wednesday to inform me of the OMS decision and that I had 7 days to wrap things up on SVG because I was being sent home on a medical separation.

It was kinda like getting hit rather hard in the stomach and I was at a loss for words. I told people here that the med sep day was like a dark rain cloud hanging in the distance. I told them it was as if that rain cloud was blowing in my direction and it would be here eventually--just seems that storm couldn't wait to arrive. Now I'm in the process of trying to reverse myself back into the American world and rediscover how/where to live back home. I spent the last 2 months or so before service getting all my i's dotted and t's crossed so I wouldn't have to worry about anything while I was away. 2 months...and now the PC says I have 7 days to flip back and 'normalize'. I suppose that in of self is better than many med sep. Those who are on medevac don't even get to return to post first to say their goodbyes and gather their personal things. (Those would be boxed and mailed back by PC staff members) At least this way I can get a sense of closure.

That closure hasn't been easy and I'm coming to realize just how many things I've managed to do over the past year and what it has meant for some of the people here. I had a rather tough assignment here when things fell apart with my host organization rather early into the assignment. Since then I dug deep into Spring Village and found niches here to fill. The people of my village have really taken to me come out to show support in my leaving. Many have even asked if they could file petitions and send letters to keep me here--although some of them still think I'm just hoarse and that silly about being sent home for hoarseness.

So I tossed together at the last minute a photo slideshow with music to honor the thngs I've witnessed and embraced over the past year. This tribute is just to my Vincy people that I've shared so much with over the past year. I wanted to have it ready for a going away party that I had on Saturday which much success. I might make one with the wonderful volunteers I've served with if time permits soon.


<< Just discovered that Youtube pulled the sound from the video for copyright issues on the 2nd one, don't know if they will eventually pull sound on the first. So I uploaded the video to Vimeo and have reposted it in one full video clip here for ya!>>>

Spring Village Goodbye from Shawn Rujedi on Vimeo.

One hell of a year. Thank you Spring Village and those who reside therein and the surrounding areas.

And on that note, I'm set to come home back to the Chicago area this coming Wednesday. Life will close this chapter and begin another. I still have a desire to pursue law/grad school in the fall of 2010 and now I just need to figure out the best way to fill the gaps till then.

Stay safe and happy,
ciao tutti,
~your local wannabe jedi
~Shawn

Reflections

I do not have a grass thatch roof nor do I go digging for grubs. I do not teach in classrooms with dirt floors. Pencils and paper are not scarce. I do not spend my evenings in darkness or bask by candles or ground fire light. Public transportation in the form of a van which passes my village more than once or twice a day and I can cross the whole country in a matter of hours by vehicle. There are so many stereotypes or things that one might envision experiencing that I have not encountered. It is not to say that are others out there who don't share in these things--they do.

I wake up in a bedroom, much like the one I might have at home. Button-ups, polos, and slacks are my mainstay--like so many office jobs back home. I walk down the street where I live and speak to people in the same language I've grown up with--English. Sure there are variations of it here, but then again I've had issues understanding some English back home as well. Students don't like to study and have their own source of problems--is that so different from the schools back home? Our own educational system has its woes as well. I walk through a food market on a weekly basis, not unlike the farmer's markets back home. Just a stones throw away are grocery stores. Inside these grocery stores, you can find local goods as well as items imported from several places for a price of course. There are hair and fashion salons as well as eateries that vary from fast food to multi-course delights and hand-made treats. Home decoration studios, sporting equipment, office supplies, small electronics, hardware, banks, credit unions, and even classic 'department' stores line the main streets of the capital and are slowly growing outward towards the rural areas.

Many people take great pride in their appearance and the younger members of the community dress themselves in the same fashions I might find the youth back home wearing. The same youth play video games, watch dvds, and chat on the internet like any kid from back home would. Do all them do so? No, but then again not all the youth back home are fortunate (if that word should be described as such) to have those pleasantries. Where back home people gather at enclosed bars with a jukebox or an open beer garden with a live band, people here gather at their favorite watering holes--typically a small rum shop--here spending hours talking to whoever sits next to them while playing cards or domino. Is that so different? Many of them are happy to share their experiences with you, much like a person who has had several drinks while sitting at a bar back home.

Listening closely, you might learn about their world travels--visiting more places than many people I know. They are carpenters, electricians, engineers, nurses, teachers, shop owners, bankers, vendors, political analysts (of a sort), and the unemployed. They are you and me as they perform some of the same jobs and display the same skills I could find in so many people in the workforce back home. The community shows a divisive line between those that participate and support their community through group activity and those who keep themselves sheltered behind windows and stone walls. At times, these groups don't always function or are gripped with indecision and ill-communication among its members, but is this so different from some groups back home in a place where the problems are not any more or less complex or varied? Many of the people who close themselves off from the community are effective and capable people who do not participate for their own reasons--leaving much of the work to rest on the shoulders of a select few. Again, this is seen all to often in many communities back home.

I am a Peace Corps Volunteer placed in a country that might not seem like the same sort of country you'd expect us to serve in. The average person might envision us serving in the same sort of countries you find on a television promotional spot to assist with some sort of poverty alleviation campaign, typically depicting African scenes of malnourished children. In many cases, we do work alongside efforts to stem such things. I however have never come to see such with my own eyes. Peace Corps has had approximately some 195,000 volunteers in approximately 139 countries since its inception. So we have been to many places and done many things. However the Peace Corps of the future is a different nature from whence we came.

Most of us won't be building physical bridges, training on basic nutrition or water sanitation, or even showing how micro-credit systems work. Well perhaps there will always be a need for such things, but we are entering a new era of microchips and a growing sense of environmental consciousness. The demands for previous training (pre-pre-service) of a volunteer is rising. It is no longer enough that we simply know the basics of a topic, as instructed during a few short weeks of service training. The same people we assist are seeking specialists--people who are not only computer experts and business professionals and environmental engineers, but also with the competence to teach and understand what it takes to create sustainability and community mobilization. These practices cannot be instilled with a few short weeks that must also be shared with the plethora of other changes that bombard a volunteer's senses.

Looking around my own host country, I see development in action. Much of it has been in transformation over the decades as it changes shape and context within umbrella networked NGOs and Government ministries. Hands shake and papers are signed. Donations pour in from other countries--the European Union, Taiwan, Japan, Cuba, Venezuela, and the United States (of a fashion) just to name a few. This builds roads, schools, libraries, other infrastructure as well as provide opportunities for locals to learn how to maintain that which they are given. Growing companies are bringing telecommunications up to par with other developed nations with high-speed internet and VOIP phone systems now that most of the island has fiber optic coverage. Cell phones are everywhere and may soon (if not already) become more widely used than land lines. Businesses operate at international levels and tourism development reaches out to remind locals, regionals, and internationals alike about the wonders of the Caribbean shores and forests.

With all this development in action, training on-going, and education (academic and informal) on the rise, one might wonder why the Peace Corps is even here. To be honest, I ask myself that everyday. When I got on a plane to Miami to converge with 38 other eager volunteers, my head wasn't awash with African savanna, Asian linguistics, or Eastern European social constructions. Rather, I knew I was going into a 'partially developed' country who residents spoke English. Actually I didn't know much about my host country at all beyond the scope of tourism advertisments. People see our presence here and compare it to the same adverts. The critics want to know why we are here, as do I.

I see so many things, yet have a hard time explaining them as a purpose or driving force. It isn't to say that there isn't poverty, or educational work and HIV/AIDS awareness to do--there is plenty of it for years to come. Yet nearly every aspect of our duties or assignment areas has a local component to cover it. Our current volunteer work places us into community sites to engage at the grass-roots level. It is hard to find a niche in which to fit since nearly every volunteer would agree that the most constructive assistance would be to work through government ministry or national-level NGO. This country has a very top-down system based upon its history and direction of leadership. While the debate could be held on the values of this type of system, we are only interested in how the volunteer could best provide their services. Of course it may change in time, but we are here today. Without the iconic disparity and obvious-to-the-eye problems to tackle, we find meeting the needs of the communities does not often match the skills of the volunteer, many of us may find it hard to become attached to our work. Temptation is all around--from the nearby beach or nature trail to aimlessly wandering the nearby capital or even hide inside with the comfort of books or the high-speed internet for those willing to pay for it.

All of us are here for community development in some form or another. I get up everyday with something to do in mind. Whether it gets done at all or even started is sometimes at the mercy of those in the community I work with. Frustration runs rampant and trying to avoid becoming jaded is sometimes a greater challenge than preparing for the activities themselves. Sometimes I sit down at the end of the day, simply exhausted not from hours of intensive work but from a lack of interaction or at least what I would say would be positive interaction.

I look at so many other outside agencies that pour in volunteers, financial support, and other resources. When I see this I wonder, what is the point? Does Peace Corps have the better solution--trying to empower people to utilize what resources they have and create a positive change for the future--while these outside agencies may in fact be creating a dependency on foreign aid and stifling the growth potential of the locals? Or is it in reverse? Does the support from the foreign agency beyond the supply of volunteer aid actually give the locals a base from which to build and grow--while Peace Corps offers a less perhaps substantial approach in the current scene as its volunteers scratch and scramble to try and find every cent needed to push even the smallest of community activities. I am not a policy analyst, not yet anyway, but I am sure both posses their merits and flaws. The only immediate detriment comes into play when locals expect Peace Corps volunteers to provide similar support--financially and otherwise--as their fellow foreign development groups have provided and those resources are, in most cases, simply not there.

Even without the resource and policy strategies, does this mean that I am failing as a volunteer? That is hard to say. I have had this discussion with various staff on several times. To this end I must compare two assessments--Peace Corps' mission and my own satisfaction. According to the Peace Corps website

The Peace Corps' mission has three simple goals:

1. Helping the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.
   
2. Helping promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.
   
3. Helping promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.
   

Looking at each goal individually:

• The first goal is easily obtained under a short scope of detail. My host nation is eager for any sort of support, thus an interested country. In terms of meeting their need for trained men and women--as long as we can perform in some sort of operational success to train even a few from an entire mass, there will be support to say it was successful. Whether it was or not, based upon quantity or quality metrics, remain outside the stated context of these goals; note it also says 'helping' and not fulfillment or similar wording of the same. I am also reminded of the other systems in place on island that are operated by host nationals that perform these same duties.
  
  
• The second goal seeks to promote a better understanding of American culture. In this regard, I find that I don't have to work as much as perhaps volunteers in other parts of the world. American culture has been pouring into this country in the form of produced goods and many businesses and organizations have been adopting practices of their American counterparts. Popular music from back home finds its way onto the radios and mp3 players of the young and old alike. I have been able to contribute in my own little way to show some differences of my culture. Yet in every way that I am different as an American, I am also different among other Americans such that other Peace Corps volunteers here are sharing characteristics of our combined culture that differ from each other's individual culture.
  
  
• The third goal seeks to embed a sense of learning and experience of our host national culture upon ourselves to widen our perceptions and foster a sharing of learned culture when we return home. In this regard, I have been taking part in many things here from the life of agriculture to the death and accompanied funerals. I will continue to seek how the people live their lives on a daily basis and carry that imprint with me as yet another filter of understanding. I cannot speak the same for other volunteers, but I would assume the others may experience it on some level that increases with the rate of involvement within the community. Peace Corps calls it integration.

It is said that a person is the harshest critic of him/herself. Perhaps this is true when attempting to determine if one has been successful as a volunteer. Most people--of which I am categorized--tend to objectify and measure our success based upon tangible results. However development work, as we are constantly reminded, is a process and one that does not usually offer immediate dividends on our inputs. As worked up about the process, or seemingly lack thereof, I must resign myself to wonder if 2, 5, or 10 years from now that the work I am contributing will have some bearing or influence upon the activity of that time. It must truly be difficult to gauge for effective development planning when the results are a long-term investment rather than a quick-return.

Sure, I meet with people in various capacities and organziations. I work with adults and children alike on activities from reading to computers to organizational capacity building. I strive everyday to do something for positive change and hope that it sticks--to become part of the new bedrock for tomorrow. Can I do more? Perhaps and I will probably try to add a bit more here and there. I've told many people that I will gladly work myself till I have nothing left to give on several projects in the hopes that something will stick and carry itself out to become sustainable. I would much rather do that than invest all my effort into 1 or 2 things and carry the risk of them still falling through.

As a volunteer, I'd say my hardest job is to think of this process and the mysterious cloud of possibilities that is the future here. It might be easier if after 40 years of Peace Corps commitment on island, there was some sort of visible sustained evidence of previous volunteer work to motivate and inspire current volunteers. Yet, the sheer lack of those things I believe is causing an reciprocal effect and becoming a discouraging factor. I don't know which end is more responsible--the post-service efforts themselves for not becoming sustainable or perhaps Peace Corps' lack of provided documentation to incoming volunteers to at least highlight what was done and tried on this small island nation over the years. For although the times and culture are shifting, as are the agencies involved--the adage of 'those who don't learn their history are doomed to repeat it' remains true. 40 years of development work should be long enough to see those returns, yet the process that we are so often reminded of still remains a mystery.

To that end...I will continue my work to contribute what I can for now.

Stay safe and happy
ciao tutti
~your local wannabe jedi
~Shawn

Start of a new season

Hey everyone.

What does today mark?
June 1st (thanks Wikipedia) ^_^
--a day that marks admitting 2 into the U.S., Kentucky (15th state, 1792) and Tennessee (16th, 1794).
--1963 – Kenya gains internal self-rule (Madaraka Day).
--1967 – The groundbreaking Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album by The Beatles is released
--1974 – The Heimlich maneuver for rescuing choking victims is published in the journal Emergency Medicine
--1980 – Cable News Network (CNN) begins broadcasting.

Today is also:
--International Children's Day in many places around the world.
--National Tree Planting Day in Cambodia
--National Day Against Homophobia in Canada

But most notably--here in the North Atlantic, June 1st marks the opening of the hurricane season.

Communities are gearing up. NEMO (National Emergency Management Organization) will soon be conducting sessions in various communities and disaster preparation jingles will take the airwaves. And what a better way to begin the first day of hurricane season that plenty of pouring rain.

I woke up to the sound of the rain coming down, of course it was 5 minutes before the alarm was set to go off. Don't ya hate waking up before the alarm? The rain has been on and off all day and is closing out the day with another symphony of droplets on rooftops. I got to hear thunder this morning. Sure we get plenty of rain depending on the season, but thunder is something I don't often hear in SVG. Dunno, perhaps it is just me missing it, but given the volume of rain we get--I can probably count the thunder one one hand since I've been here. I don't usually think about it until I hear that rare moment and just enjoy it. Thunder is something I've always enjoyed, coming from Chicagoland where the thunder rolls loudly and crashes like an overzealous timpani drummer. I'll admit a bit of nostalgia and why not. For some it's Starbucks, but for me it's nature's orchestra of thunderstorms and lightning showers that streak the sky.

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Ok before the worry worts back home get ready to unleash themselves--let me say that I've been eating plenty of food and trying to make sure I've got a fairly balanced diet. I even snack quite a bit on crackers/biscuits, banana bread, and was apples (recent addiction). I even started to get a little of what I call my rice pocket belly; alright so it isn't a gut but just my name for it. lol. However, I've still dropped a few more pounds. I was holding steady at 161.4ish for awhile and as of Friday I'm down to 156.7. I haven't weighed so little in a LONG time; I can't even remember how long ago that was. Even in some of my peak training back in high school, I never dropped below 160 and usually sat around 165. I know we are expected to lose some weight.....but I'm going to need to start adjusting my cloth sizes soon.



Voice update--still hoarse, although I can croak out sounds here and there at audible levels. I'm still supposed to keep silent, but have come to the realization that I can't really be an effective volunteer and remain silent. I tried to use my dry-erase board and carry it with me everywhere, but either many people were having difficulty reading what I wrote or noticed I could talk and insisted I do so. Also, I still teach and work alongside community groups that require some level of vocal participation.



My doc on St Lucia (who overseas our med care here) called and told me after consulting with the PC med team in Washington D.C. that I am to go on an inhaler. Not sure what I'll be inhaling or for how long....first time going on one. Supposedly it will take a couple weeks to get here, so more info on that as it comes. I'm told to take it easy on the voice, even with the inhaler, for another 6 weeks and see how we go. If it doesn't get better, more drastic measures will be investigated.

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Got contacted recently from a person on Barbados affiliated with UNIFEM/FAO. She wants my help kick-starting a dormant (but shouldn't be dormant) women's group here in Spring Village. This group started a few years ago, but for reasons I don't know yet have simply stopped meeting altogether. I've been here 9 months now and didn't even know they had existed.

So, now I'm equipped with a list of names and I've been talking to a few of them. They seem interested in regrouping which will make my efforts easier. However, if it's one thing I've been learning--people here love to start and meet for a bit, but the longer efforts/groups last the more the people participating become like magnets with matching polarity.



I'm also prepping to start doing some workshops on organizational strengthening. They will start as a supplement to some communication/leadership training our local tourism has been doing. I'll be testing it out with a fun activity--personality tests and emotional intelligence & how they can affect the work environment communication. If that goes well, I'll be continuing with organization ethics and conflict of interest. I'll be trying to get the Adult and Continuing Education Unit & Community Development Units involved as well--but I'm not holding my breath on that. With proper mobilization, I'll continue the workshops into a series for most major aspects of business/CSO management. I haven't taught these courses, but did rather well on them back in college. Armed with the internet--there is plenty of research material. Now I just need to dig out the time to create my handouts and workshop plans.

In fact, I should be doing that now. hehehehe

Alas, I've been munching on Crix multi-grain crackers...another local weakness...and am starting to slip in my well know food comas.

Stay safe and happy,
ciao tutti,
~your local wannabe jedi
~Shawn

Meeting Meetings Meetings

I am seriously going to have to work on organizing all of my notes and filing system. For now, I've been using a notebook the Peace Corps gave us during training to contain all the info I come across during meetings or other functions in my village. Those pages and the extras I tuck into the pages are starting to add up and I find myself attempting to cross check other recorded dates during a meeting and taking too long (well, the Vincentians don't seem to mind).

I'm not really sure about the 'work schedule'--if it could be said that we really have one--of most of my other fellow volunteers. Most everybody else that I am aware of works with the schools or similar institutions during the day and may have an evening activity they lead. My duties seem to be more 2nd shift--going to all sorts of meetings once more people from my area get in from work. This has been leading to some late nights on my part, but I don't mind since I don't have many early morning duties as of yet. That will change....

I've been filling my mornings typically with trips to town and trying to network myself a bit. So far, I've set up shadow time with the SVG Nat'l. Inst. of Technology, a government based organization that facilitates computer literacy courses (the International Driver's License or IDCL) and other advance IT certs (MSCE, MSCA, CCNA, A+, web design, etc.). As soon as I lock down a training facility, I will be teaching the ICDL courses as well and maybe even get a cert myself so I can do advanced work here in Spring (but that can get really costly). I also got to learn where the Lands Department resides--where I can get copies of land surveys and the Physical Planning Department--who carry blueprint info on building structures and requirements. Visited Central Planning at the main government building and am learning the structure of the various ministries and who to contact when I need information or resources. Hopped over to the Ministry of Culture's office and got to meet a research officer, who I hope work with more in the future as I try to revive a few of the cultural CBOs here in Spring Village. Tried to get into the Lions Club and learn more about a recent public speaking event they held--but they were closed. Made contacts at the Center for Enterprise Development (CED), another government organization whose purpose is to train and help promote small businesses here on SVG. Yesterday and today, I got to become more involved with the work of the Community Development Field Officers. So my networking list and how to reach them grows.....because as many of realize that it isn't always what we know, but who we know...

I haven't officially started the tutoring sessions yet. Having a bit of trouble getting the electric current reconnected--between the red tape procedures and the treasurer of the center moved (taking the records with her). Once we get current again, I will not only get the tutoring going, but I can start working closer with the area CBOs. Until then, I might have to try using my place as a meeting location... Not sure if I like the idea, but I haven't seen many alternates yet. I'm being asked more and more frequently by people here when I will start teaching the computer courses and again I'm am waiting the red tape to clear.

Other groups on the table to work with:
--help develop my host group SUDO, a development organization. I hope they will grow to become the keystone of my village CBO framework
--kickstart a 4-H club for leadership growth and youth activities
--form Spring PAC (performing arts club) which would house 3 divisions of interest
--the revived drama group, once renown for its works, but mysteriously went dormant as a group
--the revived steel pan music group, another dormant group but would be open to all musicians
--include a newer public speaking & debate group with possible links to Toastmasters (found out they are here on SVG, but haven't met that group offically yet)

On a more day to day note
I totally failed when trying to juice a guava. I got a bunch of them, mostly rather ripe already, walking back from the beach with a group of kids. I tried to just use my little juicer on them, but made a mess with the pulp and tons of tiny seeds. Ended up with some sorta-decent variety of guava water. Found out this evening when I asked, I was supposed to boil them down with the skins on until the pulp got all mush and just strain it out.

Got some sort of giant foam block for a bed....it slowly makes a large 'dimple' where you are laying. The first few nights were strange, but fine. However, I'm starting to notice lots of lower back pains. Not sure if this is from the foam block or my slouch (which I am trying to be more aware of). No worries, if it persists I will be sure to see my medical officer first thing.

Got to start playing dominoes a bit with the guys near one of the shops. I wasn't very good-trying to play with a partner and not really able to effectively read the board yet. Will probably go back on Thursday when they play again.

Tomorrow night, after my meeting with the local tourism group--I will be venturing out to a playing field with my spotting scope and hopefully a few of the youths and maybe even adults. The moon is nearly full and it should look really nice. I don't have a stand for it and I don't like rigging my camera tripod for it because the kids are too rough. I think I'll grab my cutlass and use the morning time to make a bamboo and rope tripod. ^_^ Go Go Boy Scout Engineering.

Had some tea with my host parents on Sunday evening. We mixed two local bush plants--guinea pepper and shadow vinny--to get a real bold flavor. Very nice. Although I get teased by them every time for not wanting any sweeteners for it.

Before posting this blog, I read in another volunteer's blog about how she feels that the 2 year thing is starting to sink in as a reality. I couldn't agree more. For myself, I wouldn't say it was an uncertainty of why I'm here or a homesickness, more like a reality check. I'm here and things really are different. It is the little things I notice here that remind me where I am. Not just the heat, but long waits for vans that don't pick you up or the interesting times trying to roast my breadfruit for lunch with tiny sticks and the neighbor brings me better sized wood. It is accepting that while I have lived away from my home area before, this will be my first winter without snow (which I actually enjoy). It was thinking that this was a good time in my life to join the Peace Corps and within 3 months of joining, I learn that 2 sets of friends back home are getting married to make it now 3 sets of friends getting married and I'm not sure/doubt I'll be able to attend. My friends are very important to me, so that bothers me. Yet, I feel that the work I will be doing and the reasons why I am here are also important as well. Time to suck it up.

I read a very interesting blog....requires myspace to view it:
Great lil story and analogy with real events; even better if you like Batman

wow....it's late 1:15 here now and WAY past my bedtime.
More to come later I'm sure.

Stay safe and well
ciao tutti
~your local wannabe jedi
~Shawn