Ever recall listening to the radio or watching t.v. and hearing that little broadcast test warning...."This is only a test..."? After those words you'd hear a screeching beep sound for several seconds?
Life here right now is stuck in that annoying screeching beep. I've been busting my tail here in my village. By now, I'd say that just about everybody knows about me if they haven't at least met me. I've spent countless hours hanging out talking to people--listening intently to their thoughts, their dreams, and their visions of the community past and future. I work in the fields, help bury the dead, and dance with them on the beach. I help their children learn to read, write up learning resources, seek out government networking opportunities, participate in local organizations, and try to fit into anything a 'Spring Man' might normally do within reason.
This has left me rather busy lately, but I don't mind. I've told many that I like to burn the midnight oil and grind myself to the edge--I've been like that at home and it usually got me the best results. Working long hours for good reasons seems perfectly natural to me and passes time nicely. However, what happens to the psyche when so much work and effort goes in and very little comes out?
Over and over, I have been trying to find different ways to address the concerns and wants of my villagers. Over and over I give them options and ways to work with them to overcome obstacles. I meet with community and youth department 'mobilizers', who are to help me in this quest. When the smoke clears from all the gears that have been overworking, what remains? I am there, typically sitting around waiting for people to show....that never do. I try so hard to get resources, people from outside willing to listen to them and help them with their ideas. They ask for structure and I strive to help put it in place. They ask to revive past clubs and I show them how it is possible. What's missing? They are. I can work to make it possible, but I can't do everything for them--nor should I.
Today I think I lost it for a moment outside our local rum shop. I'm not sure if it would qualify as 'blowing up', since I don't really lose my center. Yet, I made sure to get my point across--disappointed, ashamed, and willing to toss in the towel if things don't change. I was sore about an election that was supposed to happen last night for out community center. The management committee had ended its 2-year term and needed have new people put in place. I had spent a good deal of time drumming up support for this election, talking about it on the block, posters, and through group meetings. It seemed that turn-out would be nice....I didn't expect huge numbers, but a decent crowd would be nice. The meeting was set for 5pm, it wasn't until after 6-630 that we amassed a whopping 7 people. The community center is heart of the village and the villagers couldn't be bothered come out to support it, very sad. This is just one example of what happens here over and over and over. Eventually it wears on you. It doesn't help that the very family I lived with--and a few others here--seem to enjoy listening to all the work I try to do and immediately tell me, "It's ok Shawn. We really appreciate what you're trying to do. And once you leave people will say there was a guy named Shawn here--he was really nice. Although nothing else will stick, it never does. That's just how people are here."
I am supposed to have a community partner. In fact, I just finished filling out a trimester report for the Peace Corps. There were several questions regarding our community partners, what we've done and things of that nature. I was honest--I have a partner on paper, but could probably count on the number times I've met with him on my hands. Simply put, he doesn't seem interested in working with me--he just wants me to work for him at our library/internet cafe and gain local prestige of working with the Peace Corps. The report asked about activities we've been doing, but asked in such a way that we had to list them as they pertain to our objectives list. I left mine blank; I really expect to get a call on that one very soon. However, of everything I've been doing--I don't think any of it could qualify on those objective lists. I haven't even been able to get people together regularly enough to do anything NGO related.
So, we have a Peace Corps IST (in-service training) coming up this week. I plan on talking to my boss then, if not sooner, about my recent disappointments. There must be some changes made. He congratulated me during a recent visit for striving without a community partner and not giving up yet--but I'm rather close and maybe he didn't know how close. I need to review what I'm doing, what I can drop, and what I can change. Most of my activities are not things I would put on my 'like-to-do' list. Yet since I'm here for service to others, what I want isn't as important in the short-term time we are here. However, since that isn't working out--I will give this a little bit longer until I decide to shift things around and start doing things I want to do. Recycling/environmental work. Drumming culture activities. See if I can get some work within the ministry level. If some of those things don't work out and the community still isn't responding, then I would need to consider if this is really what I should be doing. The people and place is great; but I don't want a 2 year vacation/party and I don't want to feel ignored (or worse--used) for 2 years either.
Something is missing from this equation and I need to figure it out.
Soon that annoying test beep will stop and maybe I'll see things clearly at that time.
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On a completely different note, I was looking for recipes for ripe plantains and came across http://www.all-creatures.org/recipes.html . It has some great lil treasures and I recommend it for those who want some creative fun in their diet. I made oatmeal & plantain bars the other day. Didn't have any apple juice and substituted pear juice; it was tasty.
I broke down and bought a pressure cooker earlier this month with our allowance. It has already been worth it--cooking chick peas in under an hour, although they stink. ^_^ Goes great with green peas, carrot, tomato, onions, garlic, and curry.
Stay happy and well
ciao tutti
~your local wannabe jedi
~Shawn
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