For me, Rule #1 isn't some formal policy from the Peace Corps or even a neighborly suggestion from community members. It's a personal code that I am trying to follow, just guidelines that I try to keep in order to make my time in the Peace Corps not only enjoyable, but effective. I'm sure that many people create little rules for themselves that govern their daily behavior. Some of them stem from religion, personal goals, professional values, etc. So any one individual's rules are likely to differ and I wouldn't expect my rules to be the right choice for others--just me.
So what is Rule #1?
--Stay on target.
Simple and straightforward. More or less--it means to me that I joined the Peace Corps for reasons and I'm here to do a job. Sure that job also comes along with the general adventures of life, which can pull a person in any direction at any time. So whenever I encounter choices to make here, whether it is project planning and activities or simply how I converse with the people here, I run everything through my rule filter first.
I'll admit that I don't always know what I should be doing with my time here or if what I am doing is perhaps the best usage of my time/skills--but I think that is normal for most of us. So the target I'm trying to stick to isn't always very clear. Perhaps I could describe it as more of a 'gut' thing. Yeah--not very logical for those that know me. However, I do know that I am going to keep trying to do my best and working one day at a time.
Why would I talk about this? Well, normally I wouldn't--but I feel like venting it as an outlet for not desiring to fully disclose to some of my community members how I feel/rational. This also extends into Rule #2. Yeah, I have quite a few--I'm a bit of a list maker. ^_^
Rule #2 is simply put--no drama, but I often allow this to be directly interpreted as 'no relationships'. No, I don't mean the generic meaning of relationship formed by meeting and working with others. I mean the closer relationships like courting, dating, intimacy, etc. I have nothing against other volunteers who choose to follow such decisions. Instead, I would offer support of their choices and wish them the best. Yeah, I understand that people say that 2 years is a long time and what happens happens. Although people back home should know I can be awfully stubborn when I get a particular mindset and goal in mind--I'm driven.
I'll agree that a relationship with a Vincentian is a great way to integrate within the community and gain insight perhaps unattainable from an outsider's perspective. Yet, I really think that any relationships formed here would be a direct violation of Rule #1. I'd lose sight of what I'm focusing on because I am busy thinking about the relationship. Of course there are other reasons as well--such as social acceptability here and the potential for unwanted drama should a relation go sour. The latter is certainly a big concern I am not willing to take from dating a local or volunteer. For me, it is better to 'walk alone' during my service and ensure that I don't do something that could make my time here unpleasant or worse--cause me to desire an early termination.
So back to why I'm writing this now that Rules 1+2 are known. During the past week, I've been engaging with people in my area no more or less than I usually do--but there are a series of questions that are becoming more frequent. Most of the questions center around my 'involvement' with a local girl. They want to know if I 'with anyone here' and after I tell them no, they want to know who I'm interested in and when I plan to get local girl. These sorts of questions have popped up from time to time since I've been here--but I can't believe how often I hear it lately. Daily is a minimum. It was usually from just guys at first, but nowadays it comes anyone--guy, girl, anyone I'm sitting around at the time or working with.
Sadly, even if I was to go and tell them I have someone back home as a first line defense--it doesn't make any difference. Nearly anyone I'm talking to about it doesn't seem to think that there would be any problems with dual (or more) relations and find it to be common and even acceptable. I tried to go neutral in my responses initially, but that got me plenty of funny looks. Lately, I tend to reply with the 'not ready yet' and 'having multiple relations is disrespectful'. That seems to go over better, for now. They reference how many volunteers have found great relationships here and many have married after service. Again, those that know me better would know what some of my personal views on marriage are and that is a conversation that I'm not willing to have with most people here.
It just seems that if I was to really open up with my community members about what I really think and feel about relationships, how I should/should not approach them, and what sort of people I'd be interested in...I would be put into a really awkward situation here and I don't want that. For now, I have a great relation with the community in general and they are very happy with me here. I'd like to keep it that way, so I vent it for all on you.
Hope ya don't mind. ^_^
Stay happy and well,
ciao tutti
~your local wannabe jedi
~Shawn
No comments:
Post a Comment